Title Directed by
Rating
Times Seen
Hellboy Guillermo del Toro 9 1
     I just finished final exams at University. I've recently come through a major upheaval in staffing at my job, where I wondered (and to some degree still don't know) what I'd be doing in a month. Jenica's grandmother passed away last Friday, and the funeral is in a few days. The world has been on the daily apocalyptic side, and as I'm doing a sermon series right now on the book of Revelation, it seemed like a good time to go see Hellboy. I needed some world-ending catharsis. I wanted some good old fashioned folk religion mashed in with villains out of a Brian Lumley novel. I wanted to see a demon-turned superhero pack around a really big ass pistol in one hand and a rosary in the other. And I got what I wanted. According to Gotthammer's Rules for Comic Book Films, Hellboy gets a perfect 7 out of 7. I have to give it 7 out of 7, even though I don't know for sure if the film obeys laws 1 and 6. I'll use my rules as a template for this review.
Rule 1: Don't reivent the wheel. As I've never read the Hellboy comics (though I likely will be soon) I only know what the look and feel of the book is. Knowing only that much, it sure looked to me like a cinematic version of Mignola's work. Near as I can tell, the source material was utilized, scrutinized and kept canonized. It didn't appear to have any extraneous junk made to make it more appealing to audiences.
Rule 2: Visual storytelling is a comic medium which the film should use. Show me don't tell me. Del Toro tells visual stories very well, as attested to by other films he's worked on that I've really enjoyed, such as Blade II and Mimic. The entire film is eye-food. I say food as opposed to candy because eye candy is just junk thrown up on the screen to make you go "ooh, ahhh, ohhhh." Nothing in Hellboy is simply eye candy. Every cool effect and CG shot is telling story. Del Toro obeys a rule George Lucas once stated he had, which was that the set or effect was only there to tell the story, an adage it would seem he no longer follows given the ridiculously long effect showcases in Attack of the Clones that don't so much tell a story as set up more video game merchandising. Hellboy uses its visuals to move the story along, in a very effective manner.
Rule 3: If you can't make the costume cooler than it was in the book, don't change it. Costume, makeup...Ron Perlman IS Hellboy. They didn't touch the design, and given del Toro's background in special effects makeup, I guess we shouldn't really be surprised. It's likely one of the reasons this film looks so good and works so well is that it's director understands the people "behind the curtain" and so isn't impeded by ignorance. The makeup effects are top notch, and the characters are walking, breathing comic book manifestations.
Rule 4: Superheroes don't shag everything that comes their way. This rule could be rephrased, superhero relationships are supposed to be romantic on an epic scale. Hellboy pines for his true love, Liz Sherman, who is portrayed in a very real way by Selma Blair. At one point he tells her, "With me, you can count on two things; one, I'll always look this good. And the other, is that I will never give up on you." She replies, "I like that." Here's a hero who isn't looking for the next piece of ass to grab when Vicky Vale doesn't work out. He loves her in a way that Peter Parker can't even begin to approach. Hellboy loves Liz dangerously, on the edge of the apocalypse, on the edge of disaster. The film portrays their relationship as messy, but not in that angst ridden way where there's a lot of whining and crying. Perlman and Blair sell the idea that they are in love, even though they know it's a difficult love, and when we get the kiss, we're not even thinking that Blair is kissing a big red demon. We just see two people expressing their love. On this rule alone, Hellboy puts just about every other comic book movie ever made to shame.
Rule 5: Keep Joel Shumacher the hell away from your set. Again a little rephrasing is needed; if the movie calls for a dark gothic look, then make it dark, and make it gothic. Hellboy succeeds in creating not simply a character, but a world for that character to inhabit. We might not believe it is the world outside the theater, but we do believe it's the world where Hellboy would live. As a result, the impending Lovecraftian apocalypse is plausible. When we see gigantic tentacles reaching down from the moon, we're not shocked. We saw this coming in the opening scenes and the film maintained its secondary world throughout the picture. Anachronistic references are blissfully absent; no pop culture is invoked, and with the exception of beer cans, no product labels are seen. I'd be interested to see the film again, just to see if the beer cans are even an existing brand.
Rule 6: Give the fanboys something they will appreciate. Can't comment here, since I'm not a fanboy, but my guess is that Hellboy's affinity for cats is a fanboy moment. It's certainly not a Hollywood thing.
Rule 7: I'm changing rule 7, which was originally "if If you are reviewing a comic book movie but know nothing about the comic, reserve your comments about plausability and plot until you DO know something." That's more for how to review a comic book movie than how to make a good one. I think I'll make that the "philosophy of reviewing comic book movies". Rule 7 is, make sure you've got some good bad guys. No casting Tommy Lee Jones as Two Face. Hellboy's villains are bad. They're really bad, and they're really dangerous. Kroenen, a Nazi assassin makes Darth Maul look like a pansy. Lucas needs to watch this film to understand why you need to have your "really tough villain" onscreen for more than just his death. It's called "looming threat." Kroenen is the epitome, and you know it the first moment he's onscreen.
I haven't enjoyed a movie like this in quite some time. It goes without saying that "Return of the King" blew me away, and "Passion of the Christ" was a religious experience. But "Hellboy" was like going to see "Raiders of the Lost Ark" all over again. Somehow, del Toro invoked the ghosts of pulp writers of the 30's, from Lovecraft to Kenneth Robeson. I wouldn't have been surprised if Doc Savage had walked into the picture. I even got to go for the matinee. Days off just don't get better than this.

Movie Reviews - Hellboy

Legend
10
 This movie is in my "top 10 films" list.
9
 I laughed, I cried, I peed my pants because there was no good time to leave the theater.
8
 The kind of movie you see twice and tell all your friends about.
7
 Worth paying full admission for.
6
 Worth seeing.
5
 Could have waited for DVD.
4
 Should have waited for DVD.
3
 Even if I'd waited for the DVD I'd still feel cheated out of the rental price.
2
 If someone ever gives me this movie I'll use the DVD as a coaster.
1
 Kept watching because my arms were pinned and I couldn't claw my eyes out.
0
 Piece of crap.
WO
Walked out.